I remember the thrill of walking on the theater stage for the first time. At the age of eleven I took a local bus from our village to the closest town, Kranj, to go to a library. Although, I was a very shy boy, I had the strongest desire to be an actor since the age of seven. Before that I was determined to be a catholic priest. That was not the best profession to mention in communistic Yugoslavia, when teacher asked you who you are going to be when you grow up. It was a late fall afternoon, I was on the way to the library passing The Preseren Theater in Kranj. Some unknown force made me turn around and go to the back entry and ring the doorbell. I rang once, twice, I was shaky yet my body stood there like I was glued to the floor. As the doorbell rang, my mind was telling me run, hide, and forget about it. I pressed the doorbell third time, when I heard a voice from the top of the stairs. “Can I help you?” the voice from up above asked; it felt like God’s voice. My mouth acted on its own, “I want to be an actor!” It felt like when God called to Moses. The light on the stairs came up and a middle aged man came down the stairs. The expression on his face was priceless. He didn’t know if it was a prank or if I am serious. He just asked me for my name and phone number and said that they will call me. I was trembling and wanted to disappear from the face of earth on one hand, but being proud of myself to express out loud my inner desire; my inner truth. Looking back now, I know that in order to live your own truth, one must try to open the door to the unknown. You need to enter the darkness, where the smallest light will seem to be the brightest light. It might not be a coincidence after all, that the theatre stage is a dark enclosed space, but when the lights are turned on, the actors’ job is to bring their truth on the stage. The difference between actors and audience is that actors are people who dare to open up their soul and let their truth out. The audience laughs, cries or thinks ‘Oh, my God, that’s me!’, but they would never dare to show that vulnerable part of themselves. At the beginning stages of theater in Ancient Greece, they invented the term catharsis or katharsis, which means "purification" or "cleansing". It’s the purification and purgation of emotions, especially pity and fear; through art or any extreme change in emotion resulting in renewal and restoration. Catharsis in Ancient Greece was associated with God coming down on them. And what is God? He is the Light. He is the Truth. There are movies, I don’t particularly care much about, but I admire the actors who dare to do things I wouldn’t. An example would be Jim Carey. Wow, does he dare! An actress who seems to be nominated for Oscars every year is Meryl Streep. Are there movies with her I couldn’t care less for? Sure there are, but I would still watch them just to see her outstanding performance. She is versatile; she is different in every role that she ever played. Does that mean she is not showing her true self? Does it mean she is a total bitch in her personal life, just the way she is in the movie Devil Wears Prada? I don’t know her personally, but she doesn’t seem a bitch to me. I believe any character she portrays is actually her truth. But how can one person have so many truths? Heraclitus said, “No man ever steps in the same river twice, for it's not the same river and he's not the same man.” We are constantly changing. Being an actor means being your true self in circumstances thescript and director suggest. Stanislavsky called this suggested circumstances. Modern Hollywood calls it choices, which might not be the best term in my opinion. My acting teachers Vladimir Davidovich Tarasenko and Galina Georgievna Yerohina said within the first two weeks of our training, “There are no good actors. There are only strong actors.” What makes an actor strong? Being able and willing to open his or her soul and let the personal truth out. The second thing a strong actor must possess is a strong imagination. In a private setting we can all be strong actors. Just close your eyes and picture yourself going down the bright stairs. Feel the stairs; hear the sound of your steps. When you get to the bottom of these stairs there is a beautiful garden with flowers of any possible color. You can smell them. You see the tree and sit underneath it. Warm sun and fresh spring breeze is caressing your face. Do you feel it? Can you hear the birds in the tree above you? Can you smell the flowers? What’s the taste in your mouth? If you practice meditation, you know how it can change your mood. It might be just for a moment or it might be lasting much longer. Meditations, hypnosis, acting, are all based on the same principles. The only difference is, as an actor you dare to do it with open eyes and in front of the audience. Some actors feel they can express their truth better by being under the influence of alcohol, marijuana or other drugs. I have done experiments myself over the years of my acting career. I came to the conclusion; my truth under an influence was kind of obscured. During my auditions I might have felt that I am doing a brilliant job. But when I got sober and I saw the tape, I saw myself as an imposter who is trying to imitate someone else’s truth. I have also noticed, while being under an influence, I have loved myself in art and not the art in myself. Yes, I agree that it may fly for some roles, but at some point you start imitating and repeating yourself. Being an actor you are always a bit above ground, so using alcohol or drugs will just make you so light that you can be blown far, far away. That said, I believe addicts can find a new path by getting trained to be actor. I believe being true to yourself can cure many things. You don’t need to become an actor, but acting training can help you on your spiritual and personal path. When we lie, we are not doing a favor to another person. But telling the truth might be hurtful, you may say. Not if it is said at the right place, at the right time and with the right intention. In order to do that, you need to evaluate the situation really well. That is exactly what actors do; evaluate the situation and the suggested circumstances. After I moved to Los Angeles, I tried to take acting classes to spruce up my craft. I ran into several acting teachers that were repeatedly saying to all students how great we were. I felt they only wanted the money and they didn’t care about helping actors get to the next level. So, I gave up on taking classes and instead started offering them. I was surprised how my students got offended when I told them theysimply stink in a certain scene they showed me. Very quickly I realized Hollywood actors have much bigger egos than acting students in Russia. In the Academy I learned to take good and bad criticism and apply it to my growth as an actor; that’s the way I see it. That’s the way I believe. After that experience I decided to start taking, under my wing, only students that can handle the truth. Of course I always try to evaluate the situation and I have softened my approach as a critic. Although, I still always tell my students everything I think. For an acting teacher it is important to accept student’s personal truth when criticizing their work. When I taught a master class in Crete (Greece), I had students from various countries, but the majority was from Greece. Since my best friend is Greek, I knew their temperament and their gestures are very different than mine. There I had a student that I just couldn’t believe when she did a short scene. I told her, “I don’t believe you because of the way you move your arms.” Either she doesn’t move them enough or she moves them too much. She admitted, in her real life, she uses hands much more when she acts. I told her to repeat the scene and use her hands as she would in her everyday life. The scene came to life. It is hard to learn living the truth, but we get used to it. When you wash dishes with the water that is very hot, you can decide to add some cold water to it or you quickly wash it under the hot water. If you go with the second choice and repeat it every day, I can guarantee before a month is over, the hot water will feel comfortable. Solid and regular training helps you to become a master of your craft and be comfortable in every situation you find yourself in. Practice, practice, practice! There is no wrong or right. It is just truth or lie. Will the audience believe you or not. And do not forget to love art in you and not you in art.
